


A For Apple, Or A For Ikea?

by RodeoQueen



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Comedy, IKEA, IKEA Furniture, No Spardacest (Devil May Cry), and trixie just laughed at her as katya kept eating, dante goes to ikea just for the food, inspired by that one time katya ate a fake macaron prop, vergil has no taste buds or taste in general
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28885404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RodeoQueen/pseuds/RodeoQueen
Summary: In which Vergil goes to IKEA with Dante to get a new table. But at what cost?
Kudos: 27





	A For Apple, Or A For Ikea?

After Vergil moved in to Devil May Cry, the two quickly found that Vergil’s room was quite, well, drab. The table was creaky and the bed ancient with springs sticking out of everywhere. It simply wouldn’t do, even if Vergil insisted it did fine. 

When he once again declared he was fine with the condition of his room, Dante quickly slapped his hand on the wooden table and put his body weight on it, the wood giving way and falling to pieces on the floor immediately. 

“Okay, now we have to go.” Dante smugly said as he left the room. Vergil sighed. 

“Will you clean that up?” Vergil asked and followed his brother out. 

“It was in your room, not my problem.” The older brother sighed again. 

Off the obnoxious motorcycle, Vergil found himself in this maze of a furniture store. Having that it was the weekday, not many people came around. Good for Vergil, he was never one for crowds. 

“IKEA?” Dante nodded as he gestured to various couches and tables on sale. 

“Yep, happiest place on earth.” 

Vergil stood by the entrance, eyes taking in the sight before him. Why on earth were there so many tables? How many kinds did you need? 

Dante patted him on the shoulder. 

“Go look around. I’ll go see what else I can get for the shop.” And then Vergil was alone to this labyrinth. 

He never thought he would be lost in a department store of all places. He wandered about, never seeing his brother since. 

Eventually, he ended up sitting down on some Swedish-named couch, not knowing what to pick and quite frankly, a bit famished. 

That was when a shiny basket on the coffee table, a small display of fruits had met his gaze. He reached to grab one. 

He always liked apples, it had been a while since he had one and it wouldn’t hurt since they were offering. 

His sharp teeth bit into the chewy skin, a bit chewier than he thought apples were supposed to be. Well, it had been a while. 

The pale flesh underneath was a bit stiff and crunched only for a moment before becoming bland. Perhaps these weren’t the best apples to consume. 

Vergil deemed his brother had already gotten lost in this place as well. He shrugged and took another, having devoured the one in his hand prior. 

Dante was elated, finding all sorts of couches that were the color he liked and an office chair that didn’t make him want to see a physical therapist. Most importantly, he got a bunch of Swedish meatballs. 

But where had Vergil gone? 

The younger twin walked about, looking for another head of white hair while feeding himself. 

He numbly followed the blue arrows on the shiny floors until he felt that obnoxious and nasal presence he was accustomed to. 

“Vergil!” He called out, seeing his brother turn around from sitting on the Izaak sofa, back perfectly straight. 

“Yes?” 

“Did you find a good table?” 

“Quite frankly, no. They’re all the same to me.” Dante shrugged. 

“We’ll just get the basics then. Sucks for you, you didn’t find the food court.” Vergil stared at the food in Dante’s hands. 

“What are those?” He went to get one. Dante stopped him. 

“Uh-uh! Your taste buds aren’t ready for this.” Dante laughed. Vergil rolled his eyes. 

“No matter, I have had my fill of these awfully picked fruits.” Dante stopped, eyes gazing at the strange bitten object in Vergil’s other hand. 

“What’s in your hand?” Dante slowly asked, not believing his eyes. 

“I just told you, an apple.” Vergil bit into it again. He grunted in displeasure. 

“This tastes strange-” 

“Those are fake.” Vergil’s nose scrunched in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Vergil, they’re fake fruits. They use those for decoration-” Dante realized there were cores all over the Trulstorp table, an empty bowl right in the center. 

Vergil quickly realized his blunder and put his hand over his mouth in shock. 

“Vergil! Did you-Did you eat all of those?” Vergil looked away. 

“-Oh my god!” Dante wheezed and threw his head back laughing. 

Vergil turned the fake fruit, eyes widening at the words “Made In China, 100 % Plastic” printed on the painted skin. 

Vergil quickly threw down the apple, betrayed. 

“Just get me a table and let’s go home.” Vergil growled as Dante cried laughing and leaned on a beam to prevent himself from collapsing onto the ground

They got the IDÅSEN, at the cost of Vergil’s dignity.


End file.
